finally

2007-03-31T19:07:28Z

Well, now I'm down to 110 pounds. 10 to go. I have eaten a banana and am drinking Super Dieter's Tea for the rest of the day. I can't wait to see that scale go down again. It's all I can think about all day. I hate it.

I have to go to my dad's to cut his hair today and help him with some other things. I really don't feel like it, but I have to. I need to go to the damn gym before it closes, and there's no way I can do that b/c I'll be stuck over at his house trying to pretend everything is normal. This means I'll be at the track again tonight instead.

Anyway, at least I got my period so my bloating will decrease. That's the only good thing that happened yesterday. And my application to the proanorexia website was approved yesterday, too, so that's good. Although, the first time I posted, some stuck-up snob tried to accuse me of being a "wannarexic" b/c I mentioned that I had been anorexic before. Since when does the fact that you actually tried to recover and managed to for a few years suddenly mean that you're some kind of "phony anorexic?" There is no such thing. You either are or you aren't. Why would you try to be? Is this some new fad that I'm not aware of? This is the most absurd thing I've heard of. So I guess if someone has cancer, gets over it, and then gets it again, they must be a cancer wannabe, huh? lol... As if an eating disorder is some kind of privilege. Actually, if you believe that someone would want to be anorexic, you must not be anorexic yourself. Otherwise, why would you think it was something that is good to begin with? It's called an eating disorder b/c it's abnormal. That's why you try to hide it and get support from people who actually know what you are going through and do no judge you for it. Although, the first response I got from someone when I posted on this website was a judgment. Well, I'm not going to judge the whole community based on one ignorant 15-year-old child's response. If she really is anorexic, I feel sorry for her b/c it sounds to me like she thinks she's in some special club b/c of it. I wish I could feel so superior to normal healthy people. Unfortunately, it's the exact opposite.

I'm looking forward to meeting everyone else, though. I've gotta go to my dad's soon. I hope the rest of my day goes better.

ana718 @ 2007-03-27T21:46:00

2007-03-28T02:54:31Z

Well, I just joined this community tonight. So far, I love what I've seen of it. My profile sums up my story, I think. Basically, I'm 5'3" and weight 112 pounds. I am trying to get down to 100 lb. I eat about 500-700 cals a day and exercise about 3 hours a day. I can't wait to meet other people with similar goals who understand why I do this. It's so lonely when you have no one to talk to about this. If I told anyone I know about it, they would think I was crazy.

My biggest problem right now is this:
I have been eating a maximum of 700 calories a day for 3 weeks now and exercising 2-3 hours every day obsessively, and at first it was working. I was losing like a pound every other day. But for the last couple of weeks, it has slowed down majorly. In fact, I weighed 114 pounds for over a week, no matter how little I ate. It would not go down even when I starved myself and worked out like crazy constantly! Finally, after 2 days of starvation with that stupid Hollywood "Miracle Diet", I got down to 112 pounds. But since I'm premenstrual, my stomach still looks fat because I'm bloated. I actually looked thinner when I was 117 pounds b/c I was not bloated then. So now, basically, no matter how much water I drink, how few calories I take in, or how much I exercise, my stomach REFUSES to budge an inch. It is so gross! It pisses me off, too! I'm just going to wait until I get my period and see if it finally goes down. IF not, I don't know what I'll do. This is such a horrible feeling! It makes me feel so helpless and trapped in my body.